FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
