Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I need a hoe opinion
go on
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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