the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
