I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
