Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
