hotel room ftw
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
