i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
did i just pee glitter
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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