I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
