Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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