At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
they need to just BURY HIM!
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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