Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
