i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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