just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
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Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
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She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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