I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
