Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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