Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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