I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
