Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
