He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
