he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
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