Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
