Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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