He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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