Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
this boner is exhausting
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
