Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Randomize
