I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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