He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
