Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
We need a shit load of segways right now
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
