Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
