I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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