Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
