I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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