First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
