So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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