Small penises have feelings too.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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