I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
The air was thick with penises
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
