I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
