and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
