You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
you had me at cake vodka
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I don't want my vagina anymore.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
