So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
