Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
