May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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