so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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