I'm really into asian looking animals
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
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In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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