My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I wish there were birth control emojis
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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