Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
