yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
