I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
