I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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