Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
