Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
