apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I would fuck him just for his dog
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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