What did we do last night that was yellow?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
