You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
