Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
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