My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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