Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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