Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Mom said you looked used
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
