I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
