I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
