NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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