if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Everyone says I win the strip club
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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