i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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