Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
