a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
