Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Let's get the cat blown out
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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