eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
