Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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