Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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