Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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